THE ROLLER COASTER RESCUE RIDE

by Andrew Marr, OSB

"Are you scared?" Denny Parker asked his sisters as soon they were settled in the last car on the roller coaster.

"No way," said Kirsten.

"A little," said Angie. "Are you?"

"Nope."

Actually, looking at the double and triple loops up ahead scared Denny silly and he was wishing he'd found a way to beg off taking the ride without looking like a coward. That was the problem with sisters, he decided. You couldn't let them be braver or stronger than you. On top of that, his worrywart of a mother had acted as if he and his sisters were going off to war, not likely to return.

"What's that say?" Angie asked, pointing to the words shining in red on a readout in the middle of the car.

"HANG ON TO THE BAR WHEN TRANSPORTATION ENTITY IS IN MOTION," Kirsten read. "DO NOT STAND IN TRANSPORTATION ENTITY AT ANY TIME."

"That's a fancy name for a car that takes you from one place to another," Denny commented.

"Looks like it's a smart roller coaster," said Kirsten.

TRANSPORTATION ENTITY PREPARING FOR RESCUE MISSION," said the screen. "RESCUERS PREPARE."

"Look!" Angie exclaimed, pointing to the readout. "We're going to fly off and rescue somebody."

"Don't be silly," said Kirsten.

"Looks like a smart aleck roller coaster to me," Denny muttered.

"TRANSPORTATION ENTITY PREPARING FOR TAKE OFF," announced the screen. "HANG ON TO THE BAR WHEN TRANSPORTATION ENTITY IS IN MOTION. REMAIN SEATED IN TRANSPORTATION ENTITY AT ALL TIMES."

The roller coaster started to climb the first slope slowly. The girls waved at their parents below but Denny's knuckles were already getting white from gripping the bar. No way he was going to wave. Just as Denny was beginning to think the ride was going to be tamer than he thought, the roller coaster plunged downwards, convincing Denny that all was lost. Kirsten screamed and waved her hands excitedly. Angie looked as calm as if she were riding a merry-go-round. Denny was too scared to scream.

"HANG ON TO THE BAR WHEN TRANSPORTATION ENTITY IS IN MOTION. REMAIN SEATED IN TRANSPORTATION ENTITY AT ALL TIMES," the screen repeated.

Denny felt as if his insides were being ripped out when the car flipped over and back.

"No wonder they don't want you to ride this thing if you have heart trouble," Denny said to himself, fearing that he was going to have a heart attack any second.

"TRANSPORTATION ENTITY PREPARING FOR RESCUE MISSION TAKE OFF," said the screen.

"Told you!" Angie yelled, pointing to the readout.

Denny didn't have enough breath to comment on the crazy screen in front of him as he took another flip around. Then the roller coaster slowed down a bit as it climbed the next slope.

"TRANSPORTATION ENTITY RISING TO CRUISING ALTITUDE," the readout informed the children.

"Wha--wha?" Denny panted, trying to ask the question.

Angie's eyes started to grow bigger, reassuring Denny that she was finally getting scared herself. Kirsten screamed louder than ever and grabbed the bar as if her life depended on it. Denny braced himself for the next heart-stopping plunge but it never happened.

"The top can't be this high," Denny thought to himself.

But the roller coaster continued to climb. Kirsten screamed frantically. Angie's teeth started to chatter. Denny risked looking down, hoping to be reassured that he was still in his universe and his chest froze. The amusement park was miles below them and was already turning into a tiny blur. Only then did Denny realize that they were no longer following the other cars. They were on their own and on their way to the clouds. Not only that, but a quick look back told Denny that a line of empty cars had attached themselves to his car and were waving in the air like the tail of a dragon.

"TRANSPORTATION ENTITY ACTIVATING RESCUE MISSION MODE," announced the readout.

"We're the ones who need rescuing!" Denny wanted to scream, but he couldn't. The girls screamed for him.

"TRANSPORTATION ENTITY IS PRESSURIZED FOR RESCUER OXYGEN NEEDS WHEN RESCUERS REMAIN SEATED IN TRANSPORTATION ENTITY."

"Thanks for small favors," Denny thought to himself.

By this time, his sisters were clinging to him and he to them. Any other time, he would have thought it icky but this was so desperate a moment that he decided he liked his sisters, at least a little, and maybe they liked him after all, at least a little. The roller coaster flew high over the water and climbed up towards a group of thick, white clouds. Two or three tiny jet planes crossed the air way below them.

"RESCUERS IN TRANSPORTATION ENTITY ARE SAFE UNTIL TRANSPORTATION ENTITY ENTERS RESCUE FIELD," said the read-out.

"That thing does know what you're thinking!" Kirsten cried.

So, she was thinking the same thing he was, Denny thought to himself.

"TRANSPORTATION ENTITY IS AWARE OF ALL CONSCIOUSNESS IN RESCUE OPERATION FIELD," the readout assured the children.

Denny didn't like that at all. He tried not to think about how much he hated riding a mind-reading roller coaster that had flown off the rails while claiming to be on a rescue mission that might be to some other planet, but trying not to think that only made him think it all the more, and not being able to stop his thoughts made him afraid the roller coaster would throw him over for not trusting it.

"TRANSPORTATION ENTITY ENTERING RESCUE FIELD. HIGH ACTION ALERT."

"Here goes!" Kirsten yelled.

Angie didn't yell, but she let go of Denny and leaned over the bar, keeping a sharp eye for whoever they were supposed to rescue. The roller coaster plowed straight into the thick cloud where, to Denny's alarm, he could see nothing, not even his sisters right next to him. Denny let go of Kirsten and grabbed at the invisible bar until he had his hands folded around it. The further the roller coaster moved into the cloud, the darker it got. Denny began to get the feeling he was in a deep, dark cave. The cloud was damp enough for that.

"TRANSPORTATION ENTITY APPROACHING CAPTIVES," said the readout. "ALERT RESCUE TEAM."

The readout's red light was strong enough to cast a red glow on the eager but anxious faces of Kirsten and Angie. Denny strained his eyes looking for the captives, ready to do his part in setting them free. He even had his pocket knife with him to cut the ropes if they were tied up.

"There they are!" cried Kirsten pointing in one direction.

"Over there," said Angie, pointing in the opposite direction.

Denny saw just enough movement in the darkness to think that either the captives were all around them or it was just the cloud roiling itself into a big thunderstorm. The roller coaster came to a halt, or seemed to. All Denny had to go by was the absence of feeling any motion.

"TRANSPORTATION ENTITY IN SPHERE OF CAPTIVITY. BRING CAPTIVES INTO TRANSPORTATION ENTITY. URGENT ACTION ALERT," said the readout.

"Should we get out?" asked Kirsten.

"It said to stay seated at all times," said Angie.

"REMAIN SEATED IN TRANSPORTATION ENTITY AT ALL TIMES," said the readout. "BRING CAPTIVES INTO TRANSPORTATION ENTITY. URGENT ACTION ALERT."

Before Denny could ask the roller coaster how to follow the conflicting instructions, a rumble of rough voices penetrated the cloud and he could see some restless movement in the darkness. The girls tensed up and Denny tried to feel brave as the rumble turned into the roar of what sounded like many monsters. Denny pulled out his pocket knife and flipped it open. It wasn't much of a weapon, but it was all he had.

"NO ENTITIES OF WOUNDING PERMITTED ON TRANSPORTATION ENTITY," the readout reproved Denny.

"Sheesh!" Denny griped. "You're as bad as the airlines!"

Dark reptilian faces emerged into the red light of the readout, and opened their shark-like mouths to show rows of sharp teeth that would have done a tyrannosaurus rex proud. Huge, ugly scars covered their arms, chests and faces, making them look all the fiercer and more dangerous.

"Get us out of here!" Denny demanded. pounding the readout screen for all he was worth.

"BRING CAPTIVES INTO TRANSPORTATION ENTITY. URGENT ACTION ALERT. CAPTOR ENTERING SPHERE OF RESCUE."

"We know the captors are here!" Kirsten yelled. "Where are the captives we're supposed to rescue?"

The monsters' roaring shook all of Denny's bones and split his eardrums. He tried to look past them to where the captives must be but could not see them. Angie hunched herself against the side of the car, tensely watching everything, her lips quivering with anxiety.

"CAPTIVES EXPRESSING DISTRESS OVER CAPTIVITY," said the readout.

"I'd be distressed if those things kidnaped me," Kirsten muttered loudly in Denny's ear.

"Can't you see they're crying?" Angie asked over the roaring.

"Crying?" Denny yelled back. "With those teeth?"

To prove Denny's point, the monsters closed in, claws raised, and their eyes a glistening red in the readout's light. Denny raised his pocket knife, knowing it wouldn't do any good but he was not about to lose his sisters or himself without a fight.

"NO ENTITIES OF WOUNDING PERMITTED ON TRANSPORTATION ENTITY," the readout reproved Denny.

"Sheesh! A million times, sheesh!" Denny yelled. "What are you trying to do, get us all killed?"

"TRANSPORTATION ENTITY PROGRAMED ONLY FOR RESCUE OPERATION," said the readout.

"I guess that means it doesn't intend to get us killed," Denny grumbled.

"Look!" Kirsten cried out.

Fearing yet another horror that he wouldn't be able to do anything about, Denny whipped around to see what had caught his sister's attention. The soft glowing golden lights he saw were enough to make Denny think that help was at hand. The monsters screamed in dismay at the sight.

"CAPTOR INSIDE SPHERE OF RESCUE," warned the readout.

"I've known that for quite a while," Denny said back to the readout.

The monsters shrank away from the lights and lowered their roaring to an ominous rumble as they approached the children stranded in the roller coaster. At first, Denny thought they were Jedi knights armed with light sabers, but the closer they came, the more they looked like trees burning with golden fire. Bright eyes looked out in the middle of their trunks and each branch of each tree held glittering swords where a tree's fruit normally was.

"BRING CAPTIVES INTO TRANSPORTATION ENTITY. URGENT ACTION ALERT," urged the readout.

"I'll comply as soon as I take care of these monsters," Denny promised.

One of the sword trees glided in next to the roller coaster and moved three branches holding glittering swords, seeming to offer the swords to the children the way other trees offered apples or pears to any who wanted to pick them.

"I'll jump out and get the swords!" Kirsten volunteered.

She would, Denny thought. He wasn't about to let a sister grab a bunch of swords when it was his job. Up close, the swords glittered like diamonds, inviting Denny to take them and slay the monsters and free the captives.

"I'll get them!" Denny cried.

"DON'T!" Angie screeched, her little voice loud enough to catch the ears of everybody back in the amusement park.

Even as Angie screamed, Kirsten and Denny jumped up and collided, knocking each other back into their seats.

"I said 'don't,'" said Angie, quietly this time, but her voice was tight as a wire. Denny, a bit dizzy from the collision shook his head. "See what it says?" she added, pointing to the readout.

"REMAIN SEATED IN TRANSPORTATION ENTITY AT ALL TIMES. NO ENTITIES OF WOUNDING ALLOWED IN TRANSPORTATION ENTITY," the readout screamed, its letters flashing.

"Since when do we have to do everything a roller coaster's computer says?" Denny growled.

"Since we started," said Angie.

"All this stupid roller coaster has done is get us into trouble," Denny complained, all the while keeping a sharp eye on the monsters as they slithered about restlessly, waiting to charge the roller coaster again.

"I suppose you have to expect trouble if you're going to rescue people," said Kirsten.

"So, are we going to rescue these guys or not?" Angie challenged Kirsten and Denny.

"We haven't even found the captives," said Denny.

"Yes we have," Angie insisted. "Can't you read?"

What the readout said, again, was: "BRING CAPTIVES INTO TRANSPORTATION ENTITY. URGENT ACTION ALERT."

"Are you saying these are the captives?" Kirsten asked.

"Yea," said Angie.

"They don't look it," said Denny.

But he was beginning to wonder why they didn't just overrun the roller coaster and tear him and his sisters all to pieces for all that they gnashed their sharp teeth and cried out once again. Their wounds looked worse the more Denny looked at them but he figured that's what they deserved for attacking everybody who came to free the captives. Two more golden fiery trees came up to the roller coaster, their branches swaying slightly to tempt Denny and Kirsten with their swords. Denny even thought he saw an inviting smile under the friendly eyes on the tree trunk. Denny thought that not even King Arthur's sword Excalibur could be more beautiful than any of those swords. Slicing the heads off these monsters would be more fun than any computer game he'd ever played. He could tell from the glint in Kirsten's eye that she was thinking the same thing he was. Denny braced himself for another jump at the swords.

"You don't think they'll turn into handsome princes if you kiss them the way they do in fairy tales, do you?" Kirsten asked her sister.

"Yea, something like that," said Angie to the horror of her brother and sister.

"No monster's going to kiss my sister!" Denny vowed.

"DON'T!" Angie yelled just as Denny and Kirsten leaped once towards the nearest swords.

This time, all three children tumbled with Angie on top of the pack, fighting hard and clawing Denny with her nails until Denny thought she was a little monster herself. As he struggled, the roaring of the monsters tore Denny's insides in all directions.

"I SAID DON'T, DON'T, DON'T!" Angie screeched so loudly she could have been heard from Mars.

Denny and Kirsten broke just free enough to make another grab at the swords. Angie jumped up on Denny's back. The roller coaster suddenly jerked away, spilling Angie out of the car and into the arms of the nearest monster.

"GIVE HER BACK!" Kirsten demanded.

"I'll rip you to pieces with a sword if you don't!" Denny threatened, pointing his pocket knife at the monaster.

"DON'T!" Angie yelled.

"What do you mean, don't!" Kirsten cried.

"I said 'don't' and I mean don't," Angie replied.

Denny realized then that Angie wasn't hurt--so far--and the monster was cradling Angie in its arms like a mother holding a baby. Denny looked over at the fiery golden sword tree as it inched closer to the roller coaster again, it's branches outstretched, the eyes in its trunk flickering.

"How are we going to save you if we don't pick the swords and fight this guy?" Kirsten asked her sister.

"I'll do what you said," Angie answered.

"Don't" Kirsten yelled.

To Denny's horror, Angie turned her face and kissed the monster on the cheek. Denny lunged at the fiery tree in front of him to grab a sword only to find his arms full of Angie. He then realized that he had jumped on to the monster and the monster was turning brighter in the readout's light. Its mouth contracted to the size of a normal human being and it gradually took the shape of a teen-age boy, a boy with a long scar across his face.

"You can have her," said the boy, releasing the girl into Denny's arms. "Thanks sis, I thought everybody who came to save was going to cut us up instead for being monsters."

"Told you," said Angie as she squirmed out of her brother's hold.

"So I see," said Denny, his voice subdued.

Looking at that scar gave Denny a sinking feeling over how close he had come to adding another wound to somebody who was as human as himself. Finally realizing how the sword trees had tried to trick him, the idea of a sword fight wasn't so attractive. A fierce growling from another direction sent Denny whirling around to face the monster there. It was a flaming golden tree, but one of its swords had turned into a stump of charcoal. The eyes in its trunk flashed menacingly, looking much less friendly and helpful than it did a minute ago.

"Well, are you going to free the rest of these guys?" Angie asked.

Denny's stomach turned sour at the thought of what Angie was asking. Kissing his aunt was bad enough.

"BRING CAPTIVES INTO TRANSPORTATION ENTITY. URGENT ACTION ALERT," commanded the readout.

Denny, too, thought it was urgent when he saw the flaming trees moving together as if planning an attack on the roller coaster.

"Do we have to kiss all of them?" asked Kirsten.

"I think a handshake will do," said the boy who'd been rescued. "I'll help and they'll help when they're free." The boy's eyes lit up when he looked at the monster next to him. "But I have a kiss for my girl right here"

Denny looked away, not wanting to see another monster get kissed, even if it really was a pretty girl. He saw a glittering sword on the branch of a flaming tree fizzle into a moldering stump before his eyes and knew that there was one less monster to worry about.

"A lot of good those swords would have done me anyway," Denny grumbled under his breath.

Feeling that he'd better help out if he wanted to escape with the captives, he reached for the hand of the nearest monster. He endured the slimy touch and then the icky feeling when the monster turned into a girl about Kirsten's age.

"Thanks," she said but, apparently feeling the same way Denny did, she slipped her hand away and reached out the monster closest to her.

Already, the roller coaster was filling up with children and teenagers and even some grownups as each freed monster touched another in a chain reaction. It was relief to Denny that he didn't have to shake hands with another monster, even if it really was a human in disguise. Even with the transformations, their wounds made them hard to look at. Nobody seemed to realize that Denny and his sisters had started everything by riding the roller coaster up to the cloud where they were imprisoned. That was all right with Denny. Touching a slimy monster didn't feel very heroic and so wasn't a big deal.

"TRANSPORTATION ENTITY PREPARING FOR RESCUE RETURN," said the readout.

Denny eyed the flaming sword trees anxiously. They weren't flaming much any more and the swords were gone, making them look like walking dying campfires but they eyed the roller coaster menacingly enough for Denny to want to get away as fast as possible.

"Everybody ready?" Kirsten's voice rang out.

"YEA!" everybody yelled.

"TRANSPORTATION ENTITY COMMENCING RETURN TRIP OF FORMER CAPTIVES," said the readout.

Next thing Denny knew, he and his sisters and the roller coaster with them were out of the cloud and flying over the ocean. Many of the people behind him squealed with delight as if they were just on a roller coaster ride in the amusement park. Denny looked behind and saw, to his alarm, large black flickering shapes looming just behind the roller coaster, looking like giant bats with eyes of burning coals. Maybe they had gotten weaker than they were, Denny reasoned, but he still didn't fancy getting caught by one of them.

"Hurry!" Denny yelled at the readout.

"TRANSPORTATION ENTITY SAFE FROM CAPTIVES," the readout assured Denny. "HANG ON TO BAR WHEN TRANSPORTATION ENTITY IS IN MOTION."

With their pursuers gaining on them by the second, Denny didn't feel so safe. And weren't these guys the captors? Denny gripped the bar tightly when the roller coaster swerved in one direction and then cut sharply into the other. It flipped around in enough circles to fill a dozen roller coasters and then plunged into the sea. Sure he was going to drown, Denny held his breath as long as he could. When his lungs were bursting, he breathed--air! The roller coaster rode along the top of the water like a super speedboat, turned a sharp corner and finally slowed down as it rode the waves back to what appeared to be several heaps black refuse.

"BRING ALL CAPTIVES INTO TRANSPORTATION ENTITY," ordered the readout.

"What does it mean now?" Denny asked, annoyed at this delay in returning back to the park and his parents.

"We're supposed to pick up these guys," Angie replied.

The roller coaster slowed to a crawl and the black heaps began to look like soggy human beings who looked as happy as somebody who had been tossed about inside of a tornado.

"Help! Help!" they cried, sounding as forlorn as the monsters did before they were rescued.

"Aren't these the guys who captured everybody?" Denny asked.

"I guess if I kept somebody a prisoner, I wouldn't be free, either," Kirsten mused.

Denny wished his sister would keep her philosophizing to herself. He still didn't want to bring any of these captive captors into the roller coaster but he figured nobody was going anywhere until they were brought in. As it happened, it was other people in the roller coaster who brought in the desperate captors. Denny had to admit that they looked pretty helpless without their glittering swords and he assumed the roller coaster would have ordered that they be picked up if it thought they going try capturing people all over again.

"TRANSPORTATION ENTITY COMPLETING RETURN JOURNEY," the readout announced as soon as the last captive captor was on board.

Everybody let out a cheer. The roller coaster slid across the water to gain momentum and then took off into the air. Soaked as they were, the children shivered as the air struck them but they were too exhilarated with the successful rescue to care. They flew over the ocean and then flew over the land. Before long, the children could see the amusement park just below them and the roller coaster they were riding.

"TRANSPORTATION ENTITY LANDING. HANG ON TO HAND BAR," said the readout.

No sooner read then Denny was almost jolted out of his seat by the impact. The roller coaster took a couple of flips that didn't seem so bad after what he'd been through and then it slowed down and came to a stop at the platform.

"RESCUE MISSION FULFILLED," glowed the readout. "GRATITUDE EXPRESSED TO ALL RESCUERS."

"Well, at least this thing thanked us," said Denny.

"Uh--how are we going to explain our sopping clothes to our parents?" Kirsten asked.